Let’s Talk About Emotional Intelligence: Guilt

On this week’s episode of Let’s Talk About…, Elise sits down with co-host Sarah Joseph to talk about guilt.

Sarah is a certified emotional intelligence coach whose mission is to help you get comfortable with your emotions and master them to live a more purposeful life. She understands how our lack of emotional management can impact the longevity of our relationships and can inspire our emotional healing by plugging into our most powerful tool, the Mind. Her philosophy is that our emotions show up in every aspect of our lives and it’s your right to learn how to manage them effectively to your advantage.

On this week’s episode, Elise and Sarah talk about the different types of guilt and which one we tend to partake in a little more than usual, why guilt can be helpful and effective, but also when it can be intoxicating.

“These guilty feelings that you feel is just something that you will overcome in the future if you are willing to put that effort in to rectify those situations and manage that toxic guilt.” Sarah tells Elise on Let’s Talk About.

Check out our show’s full transcript below.

[00:00:00] Elise: Hi everyone, and welcome to Let’s Talk About this week we’re talking all about guilt. I have Sarah Joseph joining me, emotional intelligence coach as we continue our series on emotional intelligence. Hi Sarah. 

[00:00:12] Sarah: Hello, how are you today? 

[00:00:14] Elise: I’m good. As we were chatting about what topics to, to do this month, um, I forget who said guilt, but it like really resonated with me because it’s like a newer thing I’m realizing that I partake in.

[00:00:29] Sarah: Hmm. What do you mean by it’s a newer thing? 

[00:00:31] Elise: So I never, I never realized the guilt I had if I didn’t go to someone’s birthday or like if I didn’t go to my parents for dinner. Um, And I think if I am just chatting with you and unraveling it, I feel like it has to do with, I do want everyone to like, like me, and so I feel guilty when I’m either not available to support them basically.

[00:00:54] Sarah: Right. Right. And that’s, it’s funny you bring that up because that’s exactly what we’re gonna talk about today, right? Okay, perfect. So learning the different types of guilt and which one we tend to partake in a little more than usual, and why guilt can be helpful, why it can be effective, but then when it can be kind of intoxicating.

So excited to get into this one today. Yeah. Cause I 

[00:01:13] Elise: think there’s the obvious, right? Like if you, someone came to your. Uh, wedding and you didn’t go to theirs or something like that. I feel like that’s like a common one that you hear about a lot. But then there’s the ones that you like don’t realize as much and they have more to do with.

Um, for me anyway, it had more to do with just wanting people to like, like me. And so anyway, that’s kind of interesting. So, well, let’s 

[00:01:41] Sarah: start for you though. Yeah. Let’s say that there is something that were to come up and. Uh, you decide not to go or you decide to go whichever you choose. Um, and you notice that guilt’s coming up?

Oh, if I don’t go, they won’t like me. Mm-hmm. 

[00:01:58] Elise: What is it for you? It’s not, it’s not even like, I think it doesn’t immediately click, they won’t like me. I think that that’s like further down. I think immediately it’s like, oh, I don’t wanna miss that. Mm-hmm. Or, Like when it’s family obligations, it’s like, oh, I really should go.

Um, and then if it like, go lower into that, it, it probably has to do with being liked. 

[00:02:26] Sarah: In terms of being liked. Yeah. What’s the worst thing that could happen if you weren’t liked for not showing up or not 

[00:02:34] Elise: shy? Well, if I wasn’t liked for not showing up and I ha.

Okay. So see, I was just gonna say if I had a legitimate reason, but like, do I need to have a legitimate reason if sometimes, 

[00:02:43] Sarah: well, I mean, sometimes we have a legitimate reason and we still feel crappy. 

[00:02:46] Elise: Not totally. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Um, so what’s the worst thing? The worst thing that can happen is, I guess they don’t like me after, or they’re mad at me.

[00:03:00] Sarah: They’re mad at you. 

[00:03:00] Elise: Oh, maybe I’m trying to avoid conflict. It could be. 

[00:03:03] Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The confrontation that comes after that. Well, just something for you to think about. I just kinda wanna put that, that thought in your mind, like that question. See where it takes you today. 

[00:03:13] Elise: Yeah. I’m, I’m curious to dive deeper into, because like I said, it’s like, I think I always would’ve had it in some way.

Like, I’m Italian, there’s like Italian guilt.

I don’t think I like thought about it as an emotion and what’s. What’s deeper in it than just being like, oh, I feel like I’m so shitty for not going or Right. Anything like that. So, well, let’s start with what is guilt? 

[00:03:39] Sarah: I love that question. I love that we start off all our podcasts. Well, like the basic 

[00:03:43] Elise: like definition, right?

Cause I think oftentimes, um, we think something is something else. Does that make sense? Like we think it might. Yeah. So, and go ahead with the 

[00:03:52] Sarah: website. And that’s exactly why I wanna clarify it because I think what I used to think guilt was versus what I now know guilt is, and now knowing how to reframe it, work with it.

And understand it. Mm-hmm. My perception of it is so different in the way I perceive the world and how I take care of myself is so different. So that’s why I love, love, love, love starting with definitions because they really help to set the foundation, right? So what is guilt? So guilt is categorized kind of as an emotion where you typically feel deserving of blame.

So it’s where it’s categorized as an emotional kind of discomfort where you feel responsible for something that offended or hurt someone else. Right? So, and it’s usually accompanied by other feelings such as distress and the feeling of failure, right? Or disapproval. Um, and I just wanna leave a little disclaimer here before we continue because not everyone feels guilt and it’s important to be aware of that.

There’s a category of people who do not feel remorseful or guilty after doing something wrong, uh, to hurt someone else and not from a place of, they just don’t feel guilt. And that’s, they’re a horrible person. It’s from a place of, they biologically just cannot feel that emotion. Yeah. And it, it comes from past trauma.

It comes from, okay. I was gonna 

[00:05:16] Elise: say, it’s come from a, it’s come from a nurture versus nature. 

[00:05:20] Sarah: It could be, it could be that, it could be both, right. It just, I guess it depends. Mm-hmm. Um, but that can be categorized in sociopaths or, or psychopaths. Right. So I just wanna be clear that not everyone feels guilt, but for the people that do feel guilt, this is definitely a podcast where, which you can listen in on, or if you’re someone that struggle, struggles with feeling guilt or.

Taking accountability and responsibility. Learning about guilt can really help in what feelings come up, how they feel, what they look like, for example. So just a little disclaimer about what guilt mm-hmm is, isn’t and um, that it doesn’t affect everyone. 

[00:05:56] Elise: Okay. Yeah. So what. In terms of it, I think we naturally, and we’ve, we’ve learned now Noma, no emotion, sorry, is a bad emotion, right?

So I’m assuming is guilt a bad thing? I’m assuming No. 

[00:06:13] Sarah: Of course not. Right, sure. But Right. 

And 

[00:06:15] Elise: we know, hopefully we know that. I 

[00:06:17] Sarah: think exactly far in, we know that every emotion is necessary, right? Yeah. And there thing is a bad emotion. But what categorizes, I think we say bad emotion. The reason we say bad emotion is because, It comes with with very painful feelings and discomforting feelings, and hurtful feelings.

And because we’re unsure how to manage that pain, we categorize it as bad, right? We’re just unsure. But if we learn to manage it, we might not call our emotions so bad after all. But guilt is not a bad emotion. And even though it comes with those very painful discomforting feeling, it’s actually a good thing.

And I say that because there’s two types of guilt that I kind of wanna take everyone through today, and we’ll talk about that last. Part of it more in depthly today, but the two types of guilt are categorized as appropriate and healthy or healthy guilt. And then there’s I, um, irrational or unhealthy guilt.

So unhealthy guilt. So healthy and unhealthy Guilt and healthy guilt is something that is. It’s appropriate guilt that helps you to re, that helps to regulate our social behavior, right? So feeling guilty for a justifiable reason is a sign that our consciousness or cognitive abilities are working properly or, and it will stop us from repeating or making the same mistake, right?

So it gives us the opportunity to learn and change our behavior in the future and move towards corrective action. So solution-based thinking. Um, so this could be anything from, here are some examples like stealing from a store and later feeling guilty about it, right? Maybe it’s faking being sick so you can ma miss a day of work and later feeling guilty, right?

Or maybe physically hurting someone. A punch, a kick, a shove, right? Whatever. May have happened, um, feeling guilty about it later. Then we move into, and these are all situations in which you can correctively muse, corrective rehabilitation to remedy the situation. Mm-hmm. Then we have unhealthy guilt. Okay.

And unhealthy guilt is kind of known as that toxic guilt as we were talking about earlier. And this is when we mistakenly, and I’m gonna emphasize mistakenly here. This is when we mistakenly assume responsibility for a situation or overestimate the suffering cause. So this is basically where we are.

Taking blame for something that actually isn’t our fault, right? And it has nothing to do with us and who we are or the decision that we need to make, but we just naturally feel guilty and take the blame for it, right? So we assume. Blame for something that really isn’t our fault, but guilt makes us believe it is based on, you know, our experiences, how we’ve grown up.

Uh, maybe someone else blaming you, the other person take, projecting their hurt feelings onto you and saying that you caused me to feel this way, for example, and this type of guilt. Or an excessive amount of this type of guilt can be really damaging on our emotional and mental health. So it can lead to high amounts of depression, anxiety, even, uh, O C D.

Right. So being mindful that toxic guilt or unhealthy guilt can really impact your health in a negative way is important to remember. Um, 

[00:09:34] Elise: well, I was just gonna ask, um, what are some examples of like toxic guilt? 

[00:09:39] Sarah: Yeah, so some examples and I, these, I picked out about three or four that I found to happen.

That used to happen to me all the time. Okay. And I, I’m definitely someone that has, Definitely driven out of unhealthy guilt, but was there for a long, long period of time. Mm-hmm. Um, so an exam, one example is, it’s my fault, he’s angry. So it’s feeling responsible for someone else’s feelings. Mm-hmm. Right.

So I know as a child, um, just my parents alone, when they didn’t know how to deal with their emotions, they would blame you. Right. Or blame me specifically for. For what they felt right, and although I couldn’t cause them to feel that way, it was more the situation that caused them to feel that way. I didn’t instill those feelings of anger, sadness, or resentment into them, but I was told that because they don’t know how to manage them, it was my fault.

So I took on responsibility and for a very long time I continued to take on the responsibility of how everyone else felt around me. So I, people pleased I did things so that they wouldn’t feel upset because I was assuming responsibility and that was a mistake on my part. Right? And again, if you’re in this place where you’re assuming responsibility for someone else’s feelings, It’s almost weird that it’s a normal thing, but eventually you’ll want to learn how to change that trajectory and understand that it’s actually not okay to take on the responsibility of how someone else feels.

Another one is I should have done what she wanted instead of what I wanted to do. So people pleasing. So that’s another really big one. So going out of your way to do things for someone else. Instead of pleasing yourself is definitely a big one. I think we can all 

[00:11:27] Elise: relate. Yeah. I feel like that was, that’s mine.

As you say that, I’m like, yeah, that’s definitely, yeah. 

[00:11:32] Sarah: Where has that shown up for you? 

[00:11:34] Elise: Um, that, that happens often when, um, it’s like I would’ve been at my parents for dinner a night ago and they asked us to go over again and I’m like, oh, we should go. Again, like what? And it’s that there’s like, obviously you want, you know, you want to go and be at certain things, but you don’t need to necessarily do it every 24 hours, I guess.

Right. And that also, that also I think happens, um, like, this might be kind of weird, but with like gift giving, like, I don’t wanna like miss. Um, if someone does something nice for me, I always feel like I should be giving a gift of sorts. Whether that’s like a lunch, whether that’s a bottle of wine, whether it’s, you know, whatever like that is, I always feel like, oh, they did something nice.

I need to thank them and give them a gift, which I guess is just really people pleasing because like how exhausting to give everyone a gift that’s done something 

[00:12:32] Sarah: nice for you. Right. And. I, I’ve definitely been in that boat where I would show up to any random persons party just as like a, um, like just as someone attending, not knowing the person.

Mm-hmm. I would also bring a gift. Right. Because you think that’s a normal standard of things. You should do that because you want to be perceived as nice. Mm-hmm. Right. You wanna make a good impression almost. Right. And what got me to stop doing that, which is I never thought I’d ever stop, which is so funny.

But what got me to stop doing that was. Really understand and evaluate whether or not this was an area where I really needed to seek someone else’s approval. Did I really need this stranger to tell me that I was a good person, right, based on the gift that I gave them? No, because they don’t know me. And even if they did know me, they could still decide to say that I was a horrible person, right?

Because the things that are in our control, Are what we feel, think, and behave, right? But the things that are out of our control are what other people think, feel, and behave like. Mm-hmm. Right. So we can’t control how Sally appears to me and how she thinks about me, whether or not I brought a gift because I could have brought the greatest gift ever, but she could have hated me still.

Yeah, true. True. And I mean, that doesn’t change anything. Right? So for me, it really, I just took a step back and started evaluating whether or not I needed to give a gift. Was I in the financial capacity to give a gift if I had 10 other birthdays that, that month? Mm-hmm. Right? And was it completely and absolutely necessary When I start to give gifts, I also started to look at.

How impactful this person was in my life to receive something from me. Because for me, giving gifts is a really, Emotional part for me, and it’s a very intimate part of me that I’m also giving. Mm-hmm. And I don’t think everybody deserves that part of me the way that, you know, I used to give it, right?

Because I did it before to seek approval. And here you go. Look at me. I’m so great. I’m a good person. Now rewinding that and going, well, actually, I know I’m a good person. You know, I do good in the world. I, I try my best wherever I can and I’m great to live my friends and family. I love who I am and that’s okay.

I don’t need anyone else to tell me that I’m not, and if they do think, but I’m not, that they’re allowed their opinion. Right. I’ll give you permission to think how you feel, right? So, That kind of changed it for me. I don’t know if that will help you, but, but actually 

[00:15:04] Elise: it’s interesting and also I don’t even think I ever thought of gift giving as that.

Mm-hmm. So, um, but this conversation obviously made me bring it up and now it makes total sense. So, yeah, I think just being aware of it for me will even like help me do it a little less. 

[00:15:22] Sarah: Exactly. And yeah, what you can do in there is notice when those feelings come up, right? So when you’re making that decision and you’re being aware, it’s like, Hey, is this a moment where I’m people pleasing?

This is a moment where I’m seeking approval. Why do I need to bring a gift? Like really question yourself. Mm-hmm. Right? And. Follow up stand by your decision. So if you choose that, you know, this is not somebody that I even know, right? And gift giving is something that’s important to me, and maybe I just don’t have the budget for it this week.

Right? Whatever, whatever, you know, outcome you come up with. Stand behind that. Right? Really own it and own what you feel, think, and how you wanna behave, right? And that will let you set that boundary moving forward. First time you set a boundary, it’s not gonna be easy, right? You’re gonna come. Like your brain, your inner critic is gonna go off about all the reasons why you were gonna be a horrible person that you didn’t show at the present.

And when you walk into that party and everyone’s giving presents and you don’t have one, notice that feeling that comes up the discomfort. Right. And sit with it. Allowed to be there, understanding. Get to know it. Right. And the more you do that, the less. Painful it will be over time, but you have to be willing to wanna feel the painful feelings first and sit with it long enough to know what it feels like.

And this is what I meant by dating our emotions. Right? I remember mentioning that in another podcast date. That feeling of guilt. Right? Get to know when it comes up and you see all that happening around you, why it’s there, how it’s showing up, what it makes you feel and why. Right? I always ask why. 

[00:16:59] Elise: That’s funny cuz.

So I have this closet of like, Like the next 10 gifts I have to give. Now I’m, I’m sounding really ocd like every once in a while I’ll get organized cuz I know a busy like month is coming. So like, whether there’s like a bunch of birthdays this month, you know, a shower, um, wedding, whatever, mother’s Day, whatever it is, I’ve like lined up and now I’m just like, sh one of those gifts don’t need to be given.

Is there anything in there that. I think that’s so funny. Um, but yeah. Wow. It’s a real issue for me, I guess. I never really 

[00:17:37] Sarah: realized it. I don’t see it as an issue. I see it as a challenge that you’ll overcome. Yeah. Like you’re completely aware, right. That’s the really good part. Well, I think even before this conversation, yeah, probably.

I think I’m doing it for approval, right? Like you. Clearly can see what your patterns are like, and you know that there’s something icky about every time you do it, right? Yeah. Is there a part of you that’s a little icky sometimes and you’re like, eh, um, like 

[00:18:00] Elise: obviously not for like close friends and family for gifts, but yeah, there’s sometimes where it’s like, And not to be tit for tap, but some where it’s like, oh, they didn’t even acknowledge my birthday, but I’m getting a birthday gift ready for them.

Like then it kind of feels like, okay, that’s too much. Right? Like if someone hasn’t even wished you a happy birthday and you’re like preparing a gift for them. Um, on theirs. That’s probably where the line could be drawn. 

[00:18:26] Sarah: Yeah, no, exactly. And you set up how you want your friendships to be like, right. You make the rules and how you wanna be treated and how other people should treat you, right?

So, mm-hmm. For 

[00:18:35] Elise: sure. Well, what are some of the benefits of this guilt then I would imagine like, It probably makes us, well, it makes us more likable maybe. Mm-hmm. But I guess like in social situations, you know, we behave according to social etiquette with, cuz guilt kind of bring us in line, quote unquote in that way.

[00:18:57] Sarah: In the weirdest way. Yes. Right. Guilt, the, the feeling of guilt can help you really understand where your morals and values are. 

[00:19:04] Elise: Right. Well, and like you mentioned the, the one about stealing, right? Yeah. Like if we were all didn’t have guilt and we were all just stealing at the corner store, then that wouldn’t like keep society in check.

[00:19:15] Sarah: Exactly. Exactly. So there’s that sense of fe like guilt and remorse and maybe that icky discomfort that you could get caught, right? Mm-hmm. Or that you may have disrupted society in some way, or maybe that store or owner, owner, um, just, you know, isn’t making much income, but you stole that piece of candy bar and that could have really made it break it for him that month, right?

You just never know what goes through your head. But it does help to regulate society and social behavior and construct in the weirdest ways, right? Mm-hmm. Um, but I think it’s heavily, uh, linked to our morals and our values, and that’s kind of one of the coping mechanisms or the benefits of this. So why don’t we talk about benefits?

Um, One of the leading benefits, I would say is that healthy guilt or any type of guilt, right, can help trigger self-improvement and build self-esteem, right? So after stealing that candy bar or after, you know, Um, for example, giving that gift to someone that you might not have usually given a gift to for absolutely who knows what reason, right?

Mm-hmm. You come back with those feelings and there’s room now for self-improvement, right? There’s room to question yourself. There’s room to ask healthy questions not only to yourself, but to other people. Gain insight. Right and correct your mistake. So there’s room for that. The other benefit is it gives you the opportunity to build on your growth mindset, right?

So when we are in a fixed mindset, we are feeling guilty, remorseful, and we tend to beat ourselves up for it. We give ourselves our own punishment, whether that’s conscious or subconscious. And then we refuse to look at how we can take accountability, but with healthy, uh, with healthy guilt and learning how to manage your guilt better.

Having guilt will help you to set up that accountability and give you the options to make corrective actions to remedy the situation, which is really, really good thing. The other part is it gives you empathy for others, right? So you can clearly evaluate how your actions have caused harm or pain, suffering to someone else.

And it helps you feel remorseful, right? And that last one there is it teaches you about your values and what they really are. So we all have a set of values that we like to, that we like to play part with, right? So getting closer to realizing that something you stand by. Or a moral you’d like to uphold is maybe your honesty or integrity, and maybe that thing that you did, that candy bar you stole that.

Feeling that you have in corresponding with guilt is because you aren’t actually moving towards your honesty. You aren’t moving towards your integrity. And when you’re moving away from it, that could really cause some resistance and tension for you. Right? And when, when we are moving away from our values, sometimes what happens is we blame our identity, right?

We say that we’re not a good person, right? And we forget to that this is just a situation, right? It’s not, has nothing to do with. The person that caused the harm and who they are, but more about the situation at hand. So remembering to separate those two, um, is really important at getting towards your values.

So whether that’s in your professional financial or relationship life, You can move closer towards your values when you feel that feeling of guilt, because the guilt is pulling you in the opposite direction of your values, if that makes sense. Mm-hmm. 

[00:22:42] Elise: So if that’s some of the benefits of it, I guess that’s also a little bit of how we can cope with it 

[00:22:47] Sarah: a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah. Strategies as well of how we can cope with them as well. 

[00:22:51] Elise: Okay. And so what, what are, what are, are there other strategies of how to cope with that or, yes. 

[00:22:57] Sarah: So I guess you could say the first one is to acknowledge it, like what we just did here is to acknowledge we had some breakthroughs here today.

Exactly, exactly. So you can just follow even my five step process to learning how to acknowledge it. So, That self-awareness piece, that self-regulation piece. So give yourself time to process your feelings, you know, date the guilt a little and get to know what it feels like. Some people when I do offer this tip, uh, tidbit up, uh, some clients say, well, what if I do feel it and it consumes me and I don’t know how to get out of it?

Right. What you can do is you can set a timer to 10 or 15 minutes to allow yourself to feel the guilt, right, to feel the sadness, to cry, to feel upset, right? And then when those 15 minutes are up, that’s it. That’s all the time that we get right now to feel that feeling and we can move forward from there.

It’s kind 

[00:23:51] Elise: of like a bit like how you can manage grief too, right? Mm-hmm. We’ve talked about that before. Exactly. 

[00:23:56] Sarah: Exactly like how you can manage grief. The other part is remembering that there’s no such thing as perfect humans, and if there’s no such thing as perfect humans, and there’s no such thing as a perfect or ideal situation, right?

So we all make mistakes from time to time, and it’s completely, completely normal to make a mistake and feel a little guilty about it after, right? And it’s those mistakes that give ourselves the opportunity to become better humans, right? It allows us to evolve and grow. And if you think about it, we learn a hell of a lot more through our mistakes than we do through getting something right the first time when you’re, you know, 20 years down the line and you’re talking to your kids or you’re talking to other people, what do you talk about?

You talk about the struggle. You talk about the mistakes. You talk about the triumph, right? Mm-hmm. We very rarely talk about the success. Right. We talk about how hard it was to get there, right? So remembering that the mistakes build your story, and that’s a really big part of who you are. So these guilty feelings that you feel is just something that you will overcome in the future if you are willing to put that effort in to rectify those situations and manage that toxic guilt, for example.

So, Give yourself space to make mistakes and know that it’s absolutely okay, and that you can go about rectifying them and taking responsibility and accountability for them in accordance with your values, right? So you can move closer to your values each and every day. The other one for toxic guilt. I remember we talked about, uh, one of the examples being, I wish I put my needs over them, understanding that it’s okay to have needs and see them through, even if it comes, even if.

It means that someone else’s needs won’t be met by you. Right? So it’s really important that we put ourselves first. It’s really important that we put our own, you know, um, air mask on first before we try to help other people. And that’s really important, uh, that we learn that it’s okay to have needs and it’s okay to have see them through.

And it’s okay to set boundaries so that you can have those needs being met, right? So I think a large part of the time, When we are feeling really remorseful or guilty about things, it’s because we lack some boundaries in our life, right? We lack the understanding that boundaries can help you live on both ends of the spectrum, where you can be there for your friends and family, but you can also be there for yourself.

So learning how to set effective values is another way, sorry. Effective, um, boundaries is another way that you can, uh, manage your guilt better and you can manage those feelings that come with it. And I actually had a few, uh, journal prompts that could actually help when you are going through guilt. And I just wanna read them out.

So that’s Yeah. Something that some everyone has in their toolbox so that they can use when they are feeling a little guilty the next time. Whether that’s birthday present, whether that’s showing up to that family dinner or not. Right. Or whether that’s, you know, that candy bar at the store, for example.

So the first one is what co what happened to cause this? Feeling of guilt. So talk about the situation. Talk about what happened, talk about it from the beginning. It happened to the end. What specific aspects of this do I feel guilty about? So you might not feel guilty about the entire situation, but you might feel guilty about that one little part of it.

Pull that out of the scenario and really highlight it in this journal prompt. The next one is, did I really do something wrong or am I just perceiving I did something wrong? Right? So really take a hard look and rationalize whether what you did was considered wrong or incorrect behavior, right? And ask yourself, is that really wrong, or am I just perceiving that it’s wrong based on my story, what I was told, where I’ve come from in my life, right?

Past experiences. The next one is, is someone else making me feel guilty? Right? A big part is when someone else projects blame onto you, right? So notice are there other people saying that it is my fault or that I should, you know, feel remorseful or guilty for what I have done? Or am I the only one really saying that it’s my fault?

Then the other one is, is it my control to fix the situation? Is it in my control to fix the situation? Really understand whether or not this is an area where you can learn to have corrective behavior, right? And. Can, could fixing the situation help? So if you did go about corrective behavior and remedying the situation, what things could you do in there that could help you?

Your feelings of guilt, bring you closer to your values? Then the other part is, if so, what can I do to remedy the situation to get closer to my values? So my value is to be. Um, a person with integrity, my value is to be an honest person. Right? And how can you get closer to that? Maybe telling the truth, right?

Maybe it’s, uh, letting them know and setting that boundary, right? Maybe it’s, Hey, I can show up on these days, but I can’t show up on those days, right? I can’t come every day. Right? Something like that. Or maybe it’s learning whether or not. What gifts are appropriate and what gifts aren’t, right? So really getting to know your values, what they are, and then moving towards them is really, really gonna help in managing 

[00:29:22] Elise: your guilt.

Amazing. Well, I didn’t think there was so much to guilt, but we managed to cover a good 30 minutes and I’m sure we could have probably done more. So can you let everyone know if they wanna dive deeper into their emotional intelligence where they can find you, Sarah? 

[00:29:36] Sarah: Yeah, you can find me on my website at sarahjosephcertifiedcoaching.com.

You can find me on Instagram TikTok and Twitter. 

[00:29:43] Elise: Amazing. Well, thank you so much again for joining us and we’ll see you next week. 

[00:29:47] Sarah: Thank you for having me.

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